Randomness: For the mentally challenged
by Kia Souma
Summary: Boredom can do a lot of things to you. Like make you write random stories that doesn't make any sense at all. Like.. this one..
1. The Beginning

_Ki-chan: Hello again. I was bored and couldn't figure out what to do for the next chappie of _To Hell and Back_, so I decided to do a random story.. It might suck, but I don't care.. _

_Oh, I dunno if I did this in the other story but here's a disclaimer.._

**I do not own Fruits Basket, or any other anime, because if I did, then they would be completely random and unlike anything that you've ever seen. Or maybe they would be.. Hm.. Anyways, unless they're covered in chocolate with cherry/orange kool-aid spots, I do not own them.**

* * *

Akito skipped around the main house listening to Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend".

"Hey hey you you, I don't like your girlfriend!"

Kureno, who happened to be snogging a girl at the moment, stabbed her with a pitchfork and ran away.

Akito saw Kureno and wondered outloud what he was doing.

"I wonder what he's doing?" Akito wondered.

Then, Yuki tackled Akito and hit him on the head with a football.

"TOUCHDOWN!!!"

Tohru floated down from the sky with a wand in her hand, giggling.

"I shall bring good luck to all!"

Then she got shot in the head and fell to the ground, dead.

"HAHA! NOW WHAT BITCH??"

Hiro laughed evilly with one of those guns that Alucard carries.

Then Alucard came up and pimp-smacked him and Hiro fell down, dead.

"You just got served, hoe."

Meanwhile, in Kansas, Haru was skipping down a yellow brick road.

"I'm off to see the Wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!"

He went into the castle to see the wizard was Kyou.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Kyou blinked and pulled out his wand.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

There was a flash of green light and Haru fell to his knees, but not dead.

Kyou choked and disappeared.

Haru turned to look at one of those shiny walls that were like mirrors and saw a lightening bolt scar on his forehead.

"I am... the boy... WHO LIVED!!!"

Then he got all cocky and evil until Kagome shot him with one of her sacred arrows. Eyes Rutherford laughed.

"Check mode."

And then.. the world became white with black words written across it saying: "Sorry! An unexpected error has occured!"

To be continued...

* * *

_Ki-chan: Haha, I feel random.. Oh, Eyes Rutherford is a character from _Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna_. Really good anime. And the last line is what sometimes pops up on myspace when they're having technical difficulties. I dunno why I put that in there. Oh well. If you like it, tell me, or if you don't, then I won't bother with this story anymore..._


	2. Gorilla Attack oO

_Ok, this is to **Kyoru-4-eva** and **Chimera Blood**, who sounded like they liked this lil... story... thingy..._

_o.O_

_Again, whatever random thing I put in here, I don't own. Unless I specifically say "**THIS IS MINE!!!**" ...So yeah. It'll be at the end 'cos I just write whatever comes to my head. ...Like that._

* * *

The next day, a giant gorilla appeared at the main house saying that it was going to eat everyone.

"I'm going to eat everyone!"

...Like that.

Then Tohru tried to speak "ganster".

"Oh noes! Dis be sum bullshit rite herr!"

Yuki and Kyo looked at her like she was crazy and backed away.

The gorilla shrugged and ate Tohru.

Everyone was sad.

The gorilla got a stomach ache and ran away.

Akito was sadder.

"I didn't get to get carried around on his shoulder.." He wined.

Yuki hit him with another football and Akito went unconscious.

Then Buffy the Vampire Slayer showed up.

"Hey. Has anyone seen any vampires around?"

Haru went all googly-eyed and tackled Buffy and they began a make-out session in front of everyone.

"OOH LA LA!"

Kisa gasped and watched them while eating popcorn.

Then, the gorilla came back and ate Buffy and Haru.

Everyone was sad.

The gorilla burped and...

Haru came out, good as new.

And Tohru was with him.

Everyone was happy.

"Hey. You weren't supposed to come out!"

The gorilla got angry and ate Tohru again.

Then everyone was sad again and decided to go to bed.

* * *

_Ki-chan: ...Yeah. Don't even ask._


	3. Midnight fun

_Um. Third chapter.. I guess. ...I have no idea what to write about._

_MAJOR POSTSCRIPT (p.s.): I maybe put spoilers of some things in here, so yeah. ...I have no idea what that has to do with anything, but whatever._

_Also. I don't own things unless I say so. So no suing, 'kk?_

* * *

Late at night, Tohru was roaming the halls like a predator.

She snuck into Kyou's room.

"RAWR! I SHALL EAT YOUR BRAINS!" She said.

Kyou screamed like a lil girl and pissed his pants.

Then Yuki came in and hit him with a football.

"TOUCHDOWN!" He yelled.

Then Akito came up behind him and drop-kicked him.

Yuki hit the hall with blood gushing out his head all gross-like.

"I like blood. Blood makes me horny!" Shigure said, licking up Yuki's blood.

Then Tohru ran out the door and bumped into Haru.

"WTF?" Haru turned into a cow.

"Oh no! What to do??" She turned to Shigure.

"Hm?"

Shigure's face was covered in blood.

"Uhhh!?"

"Hello." Haru changed back.

"ARGGGH!!! YOU IS NAKED!!!" Tohru screamed.

Kyou rushed over and covered Tohru's eyes.

"You must not be exposed to penis at any time unless I say so!!!" He yelled.

"Penis makes me horny!" Shigure said.

Everyone was silent.

Then Haru put on a pair of random pants laying on a random chair.

"There we go--AHHHHHHH!!!"

The pants clipped off Haru's--

Then the doorbell rang.

"Someone order General Tao Chicken?"

Everyone gasped in horror and ran out the house.

Random delivery guy: "Huh?"

Then this big monster came out the floor and swallowed the man whole.

Then the author shook her head sadly.

"You can't bring chinese food into Japan." She said.

* * *

_Ki-chan: o.o; I don't own football or any chinese food..._


	4. New Years

_Ki-chan: Hurrah to _**msnothing27**_and _**Orangy Jello **_for being the latest reviewers. They're special 'cos they reviewed when I'm short of reviews. Yuppers. Haha. Anyways, guess who's back? And with 3 As and one B so far in school (dunno about the other 2 classes)! Hurrah!_

_::hands out pocky to everyone 'cos she's happy::_

_Now, onwards with chappie 4th!_

_Oh! And there's also a brief suggestive content, so yeah. Don't hate me._

* * *

So then, they were at the New Years Banquet. 

Tohru was randomly there, too.

And Akito put on some rap music like Souja Boy to have the dances to.

"Yeah! Souja Boy up in dis place!" Akito said, looking retarded.

Kyou shrugged and danced along.

Then it was dinner time.

Fortunately, there wasn't any chinese food o.o;

"I wish Yuki was here." Tohru wished.

Then, the big gorilla from before appeared and spit out Yuki.

"Your wish is my command." And he bowed then went into a lamp.

"OOOOOOH! A magic lamp!" Hiro giggled and grabbed it and ran off.

No one went after him.

Afterwards, they all invested their money in a big hot tub.

Shigure closed it off and stayed in there with Tohru.

"I can do better! I can do better!" Isuzu sang and then made out with Hatori in the Great Hall.

Dumbledore looked on in amusement.

Yuki sneezed.

While Ayame was buying ice cream, Cloud came out and went to stab him.

Suddenly, Sephiroth was there instead of Ayame.

"Hello again, Cloud."

Kisa screamed and ran off, then got hit by a car.

"What the hell?" Kagura said.

"It was nothing." Kyou said then pushed her head back into his lap and kept driving.

Then everything stopped as the streets cracked and lava came up.

Everyone got scared and huddled into the last remaining part of street as a big lava monster stepped in front of them.

"RAWR!!! IT HURTS!!!" Said the PMSing girl.

"Here, eat this, it'll help." Lupin came up and held out some chocolate.

She ate it and then smiled and disappeared as everything returned to normal.

Harry sighed. The pain in his scar finally went away.

* * *

_Ki-chan: I don't own Souja Boy or any of his songs, any chinese food, "I Can Do Better" (what Isuzu sang) by Avril Lavigne, the Great Hall / Lupin / Harry or Dumbledore from _Harry Potter_, Sephiroth or Cloud from _Final Fantasy 7_, or the fruba kids o.o; unfortunately.._


	5. One day

_Ki-chan: Now for a.. new chapter.. as I sing songs.. and massage my bruised toe (thanks to my ex-boyfriend. that's the last time I hide behind his door T.T)_

_Orangy Jello, Lol, FF7 is awesum though! And sure you can! And we're calling you Rei ('cos that's the first name that came to my mind :P)_

_msnothing27, YAY! YOU'RE WELCOME! AND THANKS! D_

_Kashie, I know. That's what makes it hilarious (at least to me.. -'')_

_Daisukeismyboyfriend, xD whee for laughs!

* * *

_I don't know if anyone noticed this, but there was a complete lack of Ritsu in here (Kureno was in the first chapter) O.O; And I think I left out Ayame, too. And Saki and Arisa.

OO; oopz...

Black Haru: "GET OUT THE DAMN FANFIC YOU DAMN AUTHOR!!!"

TT

So then, we both disappeared... and the story began.

Saki and Arisa went to Shigure's house.

"Hey! We came to see Tohru!" They shouted.

Then Shigure ran around singing.

"High school girls High school girls All for me High school girls"

So they left.

Then Kyou came down the stairs and a picture fell.

"OMG KYOU GTFU!" Shigure shouted and kicked him out the house.

He hit Ritsu.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY KYOU FOR MAKING YOU GET KICKED OUT THE HOUSE!!! I'M SOO--" Then he fainted.

Shigure had tickled his foot.

"YOSH!" Ayame gave him a thumbs up.

So then, Yuki and Tohru were eating dinner.

"Hey guys? It's breakfast time..." Arisa stated.

Yuki pissed on himself 'cos he didn't hear her come in.

Tohru wasn't paying attention 'cos she was texting.

"Who are you texting, Tohru?" Megumi asked.

Arisa, Yuki and Shigure pissed themselves 'cos Megumi had that one deep scary voice that serial killers had.

And he was dressed in bright pink.

"MYOB, Megumi." Tohru talked in text language.

"TISNF!" Megumi cried.

Arisa patted his back and took him out the house.

Kyou was busy cleaning the floors.

"Miss Honda, I didn't know you could text." Yuki became calm.

"Rly? I txt all da tyme."

"Who are you talking to?"

"Idk my bff, Saki."

Everyone stared at her.

"She's been watching too much t.v." Shigure stated.

Then a big meteor crashed on the house.

"YEAH!" Said the motorcycle.

Then everyone died and became sad.

Then.. the gorilla appeared.

"Hunh?" He cried.

"Awwe, don't cry, Oswald!" Rei patted his back.

He nodded then screamed and ran away.

"What did I do..?" Rei cried.

DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!

* * *

_Ki-chan: ...I'm sick, so yeah. Anyways, me no own Shigure's "song" and that "idk my bff" stuff. I got that from that AT&T commercial with Beth Ann and her mum. Pretty funny. They made a sequel. If you ask, I'll tell you about it if you haven't seen it. Oh, and for y'all who don't know... GTFU get the f out. MYOB mind your own business. TISNF this is so not fair. Rly really. Txt text. Idk I don't know. BFF best friend(s) forever. Da the. Tyme time. So yeah. And I sorta own Rei, although she's a reviewer who forced her way into my fanfic. Yupp._


	6. Update Chappie

_Kii-chan_: Okay, so I know I haven't updated since like... last year... literally... And I totally forgot that I wrote a chapter, so after this, it's going up. And then to work on my next chapter.

Okay, so I'mma respond to reviews right now.

Uh huh.

So let's get started :D

in order that I see them lol

_msnothing27_: thanks my faithful reviewer! you get pocky! :gives msnothing27 pocky: and sure you can be someone! just tell me who you wanna be and I'll put it in the chapter after the next one (since I already have the next chapter written)

_Orangy Jello_: YAY! you're famous, woot! you're now an OC in my stories that I write, hehe. Oh yeah. the grandma is doing the text talk too. it's hilarious. the mom's like "grandma, who are you texting?" and the grandma's like "idk, my bff Rose" lol. hehehe yay I made your day that makes me happy :D

(p.s. it's always good to make the author happy)

_AyumiSunset_: hehe I'm glad my story made you laugh :DD

_snoopykid2991_: thanks! I will! :)

_Thura Huodae_: OMJ TOHRU REVIEWED MEEEE!! lol it's like a celebrity just randomly appeared. haha, sorry that Tohru was the center of Oswald's appetite. i don't have anything against her. i just thought it was funny.

_Daisukeismyboyfriend_: lol that wouldn't be good for your pants but really? I have to read your fics then :D lol if I find a pic of Megumi wearing pink, I'm sooo sending it to you. haha, ya, Shigure must be having a fun time

_P.S-Kyo rules_: first thing first, I must say I agree with your username haha. kyo is my favourite out of the teens. yupp Eyes is awesome :3 - thanks to the HP thing, haha. - woot, go pocky! :throws pocky at P.S-Kyo rules: lol yeah. he got sick. that's it, haha. and Lupin is awesome too. -- Oswald is the gorilla. Rei (Orangy Jello) named him that :D woot go texting lol.

okay... I think that's it for the reviews. If I missed yours, I'm sorry :'( don't kill meeeeeee!


	7. New Years Again

_Ki-chan: And here's the sixth chapter. I really need to finish writing my other stories... But I've been busy with school and haven't really had time to get on the computer much.. I sworrie. Anyway, this chapter has Rei Orangy Jello again and my Fruba character, Kia. That means Kia is __**MINE**__! NO ONE ELSE'S! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!! STEAL HER AND _DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE_!! :coughs:_

_Oh yeah, Happy Belated Christmas and Merry Belated New Years! 3_

Everyone was at the New Years festival at the Sohma house. Akito decided to invite the whole city.

"Heh. Now those damn juunishi can't try to kill me." He snickered.

Shigure, Ayame, Yuki, Hiro, Black Haru, and Oswald jumped Akito and killed him.

"Free kisses for ten cents!" Tohru sung from the entrance to a black tent.

Rei and Kia sat down by a cotton candy stand.

"I hope my Oswald didn't get hurt..." Rei sighed.

"I think he ate Akito." Kia blinked and stared at the sky.

At that moment, Oswald walked over to Rei and coughed out a leg bone.

"Yummy."

Kisa did her little dance and fell. "DAMNIT!"

"Kisa is so hot when she curses!" Hiro squealed and began humping Kisa.

Rin got mad and pimpslapped Hiro. "NO! We DON'T do that in front of the kids!"

She pointed to Rei and Kia.

"What the hell? We're older than them." Kia huffed and stabbed Shigure.

"ONBOANIENGOEINGIGNEI!!" Shigure yelled.

"Sorry, needed to release some stress." Kia blinked.

Rei shrugged and ate more cotton candy.

"OH MY GOSH I'M SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GURE-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!" Ritsu appeared and kicked Rin.

Yuki waved his wand and Ritsu disappeared.

Kagura shot Tohru with a missle when she saw her kissing Kyou. "Stupid bitch stealin' my man..."

Kyou cried a river.

Momiji cried and ate Tohru's remains.

Arisa and Saki ate Momiji.

Oswald ate them all.

Isn't that depressing how Oswald causes all the demise at the end?

Hermione changed her support from freeing the Elves to protecting gorillas.

Oswald cried in happiness and threw everyone back up.

"Come on Harry! Let's save the gorillas!" Hermione giggled.

"Bloody hell? Who wants to help a bloody gorilla who eats everyone?" Ron shook his head in disgust.

Oswald roared in anger and ate Ron.

"Too bad mate." Harry shrugged.

"We're sending a SOS!" Nick, Kevin and Joe Jonas yelled from Oswald's shoulders.

Everyone sweatdropped.

When did the Jonas brothers get here?

"OMG JOE IS SO SEXY!" Kia squealed and began kissing Joe.

Joe just shrugged and went along with it.

But AJ was depressed.

Kureno stabbed a hole in Oswald and pulled Akito out who, surprisingly, was unharmed.

Then they got married and Akito revealed himself to be a girl.

O

_Ki-chan: ...Yeah. Haha, I saw the Jonas Brothers on Jay Leno's tonight show a while ago, and I just remembered them, haha. AJ is from the pop/rock duo Aly & AJ. Hermione, Ron, and Harry are obviously from Harry Potter. Rei is Orangy Jello. Yupp. Kia is MINE, once again. The only thing I own is my own craziness that should be in an asylum and Kia and half of Rei. And Oswald. But not his name. His name belongs to Rei, haha. JB's first statement is a pun on their song "SOS" which they performed on Jay Leno. Yupp._


	8. Store Crisis

Kii-chan: Yesss, I'm back, haha. After a long hiatus... kinda. Actually, I've been busy with school, so yeah.

_sigh im bored_: hurray for name change! woot! and you're welcome okay... um... tries to think of a name ... Amy! no... Mina! yes! you shall now be Mina! muahahahahahahaha. .:cough:.

_Orangy Jello_: .:squees:. yay I did!! hehe it was women's intuition thanks as always

Eh. since I'm responding, I might as well do another thingy.

and as always, I don't own anything unles I say so. I own Kia, Rei Orangy Jello and Mina sigh im bored. muahahaha.

But I'm tired. So this might suck. But I'll give you pocky to make up for it! :hands out pocky to all the readers:

* * *

Kisa sat on her bed while drawing on Hiro's back.

('.')

"Ain't he just so cute!?"

Kia, Rei, Mina, Kyo, Yuki - this is a long list - Haru, Ritsu, Shigure, Hatori - zzzZZZZZZzzzz - Kagura, Tohru, and Akito were walking around a random outlet store.

Akito walked in the women's clothing and began trying on different bras and panties. In the middle of the aisle.

"EWWWWWW! STOP IT YOU FLAT-CHESTED HE-SHE!" a random lady called out.

Oswald ate her.

"Now, that behavior is quite unacceptable for a gorilla like you." Shinku from _Rozen Maiden_ appeared.

Oswald frowned and spit back out the lady.

"Good boy."

"MARCO!" Haru shouted.

"POLO!" Shigure responded and ran to the magazine section.

Tohru ran up to a clerk who happened to be a man. "Do you have any tampons?? I mean--where are they??"

He reached in his pocket and pulled some out. "Here you go ma'am."

Tohru walked away muttering "perverts."

Mina jumped on top of a shelf and held up a transformation wand. "Venus Star Power!"

Just because you're named after a Sailor Moon character doesn't mean that you can transform into one.

But alas, she did.

Kia became sad.

"I'm named after a stupid car..." she muttered. She laid onto the floor and turned into a car.

"PRETTY CAR!" Oswald jumped on Kia and she broke into pieces.

Oh well.

"Bad boy! Bad!" Rei punched Oswald. Oswald turned to eat Rei, but Edward appeared in front of her and saved her.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Rei gasped. "Edward!"

commence make-out scene.

Mina burst into tears. "But I saw him FIRST!!"

Kia twitched.

Meanwhile, no one noticed that Dark had taken Kyo into the girl's dressing room doing unnameable things to him.

Well... we actually don't know what they were doing, so we chose not to speak of it.

"Hatori, you're a doctor. Fix Kia." Kagura put her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry. I do not fix cars."

"You are so hot when you deadpan!" Kagura jumps on Hatori and kisses him.

Hatori just stands there, looking bored.

Then Ayame comes in.

"Oh, my precious children! You won't believe what wonderful day I had! First, I was awakened to the sound of Mine, pleasuring herself in the bathroom! And even though I longed to rush in there and show her the time of her life, I valiantly restrained myself, because if I had gone through with that wonderful thought, I surely would have overloaded her pleasure senses and left her as a numb body, floating on top of water. So instead, I rushed over to Kureno - who I knew could take it - and directed all my feelings towards him! And I must say, that man has got a--"

"Sir, I would appreciate if you stopped talking like that in our store..." said the manager, but Ayame kept talking. No surprise.

"--and it lasted about five hours. What happened next, might you ask? Well, Mine was done in the bathroom by then, so I took a shower. But, oh! Her scent was all over the room! It was unbearable! So I released myself in the corner of the tub. But whoever should come in but Mine! And there she was, in nothing but--"

"Make it stop, make it stoppppp!!" screamed Rei.

"It hurts!! My ears are bleeding!!" screamed Mina in her Sailor Venus uniform.

Edward swiftly ran them away from the scene. Shigure had his little "moment" in a corner, and was trying to hold himself in from doing it in front of everyone else.

Ew.

Hatori and Kagura were still making out. Kyo still hadn't reappeared. Yuki decided that now was the best time to fix Kia and take her away. Where? Ah, that is the question, isn't it?

"Oh, but I'll save the really best parts for later." Ayame continued. "So I walked out and ran into Ren. Yes, that sneaky little vixen. She--"

"Ayame, shut the hell up." Hatori glared at Ayame who immediately shut up.

Everyone sighed in relief.

Oswald was rocking in the corner, crying. He had heard the whole story and it scared him.

Tohru tried to comfort him, but he ate Ritsu.

Tohru was happy she wasn't eaten.

And that concludes our story.

Or does it...?


	9. Dictionary

Dictionary of Randomness (mainly the characters that I've mentioned in my story)

This is going to remain unfinished for a while... you can tell me what you want written on here and I'll give you the credit..

This all is FAKE. for the most part. some are true, but most is just from how I described them in my story. So no hate mail complaining.

* * *

**Akito Sohma** first appeared in chapter 1: _the angst-ridden bad guy of the story; doesn't seem to like anyone; aka devil, god, target_

**Alucard** first appeared in chapter 1: _vampire hunter/killer; really sexy; has superiority complex_

**Amanda Michalka** first appeared in chapter 6: _singer, youngest member of Aly & AJ_

**Arisa Uotani** first appeared in chapter 5: _yankee, best friend of Tohru/Hana_

**Author** first appeared in chapter 3: _...author of story. duh., sad that she made the Big Monster of Doom._

**Avril Lavigne** first appeared in chapter 1: _singer_

**Ayame Sohma** first appeared in chapter 4: _vessel for Sephiroth, hyper, perverted_

**Big Monster of Doom** first appeared in chapter 3: _eats up OOCness in stories_

**Buffy** first appeared in chapter 2: _vampire slayer, loved by Haru evidently_

**Cloud** first appeared in chapter 4: _awesome hot guy, wants Sephiroth dead evidently_

**Dark** first appeared in chapter 7: _thief_

**Dumbledore** first appeared in chapter 4: _wizard_

**Edward Cullen** first appeared in chapter 7: _hot vampire_

**Eyes Rutherford** first appeared in chapter 1: _Blade Child; really hot; pianist_

**Girl # 1** first appeared in chapter 1: _Kureno's random lover; dead_

**Harry Potter** first appeared in chapter 4: _wizard_

**Hatori Sohma** first appeared in chapter 4: _Sohma doctor, really hot_

**Hatsuharu Sohma** first appeared in chapter 1: _bipolar; posessed by an ox; bisexual?; other side known as Black Haru_

**Hermione Granger** first appeared in chapter 6: _likes Ron evidently_

**Hiro Sohma** first appeared in chapter 1: _confused; likes Kisa_

**Isuzu Sohma** first appeared in chapter 4: _horse, neigh_

**Joseph Jonas** first appeared in chapter 6: _middle Jonas Brother_

**Kagura Sohma** first appeared in chapter 4: _pig, oink oink_

**Kagome** first appeared in chapter 1: _shoots people with arrows, loves Inuyasha_

**Kia Sohma** first appeared in chapter 6: _author's RP character, named after a car, likes Joe Jonas_

**Kisa Sohma** first appeared in chapter 2: _Hiro's lover, watches hentai_

**Kureno Sohma** first appeared in chapter 1: _obsessed with Akito, loves cheating on him/her_

**Kyou Sohma** first appeared in chapter 1: _cat, meow meow kitty kitty, secretly has a crush on Yuki_

**Megumi Hanajima** first appeared in chapter 5: _secretly likes wearing pink, younger brother of Hana_

**Mina Sohma** first appeared in chapter 7: _reviewer who got a spot in the story, aka Sailor Venus_

**Momiji Sohma** first appeared in chapter 6: _rabbit, bounce bounce, secretly loves Tohru_

**Nicholas Jonas** first appeared in chapter 6: _youngest Jonas Brother_

**Oswald** first appeared in chapter 2: _gorilla, likes eating people especially Tohru, has soft side for Rei_

**Paul Kevin Jonas II** first appeared in chapter 6: _eldest Jonas Brother_

**Random Delivery Guy** first appeared in chapter 3: _delivers chinese food and then gets eaten_

**PMSing Girl** first appeared in chapter 4: _same as Big Monster of Doom, just more controllable_

**Rei Sohma** first appeared in chapter 5: _reviewer who got a spot in the story, wants to own the gorilla Oswald_

**Remus Lupin** first appeared in chapter 4: _wizard teacher, werewolf, loves chocolate_

**Ritsu Sohma** first appeared in chapter 5: _loud annoying monkey_

**Ronald Weasley** first appeared in chapter 6: _likes Hermione, kinda stupid lol_

**Saki Hanajima** first appeared in chapter 5: _gothic best friend of Tohru/Arisa, has little brother_

**Sephiroth** first appeared in chapter 4: _villian?, wants Cloud dead_

**Shinku** first appeared in chapter 7: _doll, has powers, sorta has superiority complex - only sometimes_

**Soulja Boy** first appeared in chapter 4: _rapper_

**Shigure Sohma** first appeared in chapter 3: _perverted. enough said._

**Tohru Honda** first appeared in chapter 1: _nice, naive, prone to getting eaten by gorillas, likes eating brains_

**Yuki Sohma** first appeared in chapter 1: _rat, loves playing football_


	10. A Day in Akito's Life

_kii-chan: Eh. Haven't been able to get online for a while. So there. And I've been busy. :rolls eyes: And I just woke up like an hour ago and it's like 6.30pm right now. Ugh. My head hurts._

_sigh im bored: YAY! I hoped you would :smile:_

_ultimateshipper2008: lol yessssssh. ain't we so awesome? si, gracias. I try :blink:_

_traviosa: gracias, gracias_

* * *

So, Akito got out of bed and yawned.

He was bored.

"I'm bored."

Oswald came in and eated him.

Le'gasp!

Akito had a party in Oswald's stomach.

'Cause you know there's no acid in there.

...I guess.

Then Oswald spit Akito back up.

Hatori came in and gave Akito a checkup.

"I'mma need you to eat more beans."

Akito blinked and looked at Hatori.

He was confused as to why he had to eat beans.

Why would anyone eat beans?

OMG WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??

The Big Monster of Doom came and eated up the author for screaming in the middle of the story.

Akito just watched then ate popcorn.

"Stupid God..."

Hatori left.

Oswald sat down next to Akito.

His alarm went off.

Akito walked around the house yelling at random people about random things.

"YOU'RE PEEING TOO LOUD!!"

"I CAN SEE YOUR BRA!!"

"JUST BECAUSE I'M FLAT CHESTED DON'T MEAN NOTHING!!"

He did that for half the day.

Then made himself sick and had Hatori check him out again.

Hehe, not in that way.

Then Shigure came and rocked him to sleep.

The End.


	11. Finale

_Kii-chan: Okay, this is the last chappie of this.. random story : I know--don't cry. But I decided that this many chapters is enough for right now. If I decide later on to continue, it'll be like a sequel. Anyway, thanks to my lovely reviewers who read the story until the very end : :gives them pocky:_

Kia, Rei and Mina were dancing outside to the ending theme of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

Kia was Haruhi. Rei was Yuki. Mina was Mikuru.

Kyo was Kyon.

Haha, the irony of the names.

And River was Itsuki.

River is Kia's twin brother that I don't think I ever told you about.

Steal him and die.

:D

I love OOC comments in stories.

So they were doing the dance, and Edward Cullen decided to join in.

He was dancing all over Rei and Mina like ZOMG.

Then Akito jumped in front of them.

"I'm.. too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy, it hurts."

He took off his shirt and threw it on Edward.

"I'm.. too sexy for Milan. Too sexy for Milan. New York, and Japan."

"Then why are you here?" Oswald questioned.

Everyone gasped.

Gorillas can't talk!

"Actually, I think he spoke earlier..." Rei muttered.

Kia and Mina nodded in agreement.

Yuki ran around in Sailor Moon's outfit.

"MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!!"

Haru chased after him in Tuxedo Mask's outfit.

"YUN-CHAN! WAIT!"

He stopped when he saw Shigure and Ayame.

"Hello?"

Then he threw roses at them.

"WHAT DID WE DO THIS TIME??"

Ayame gathered up all the roses and made a lei.

He gave it to Hatori.

"Happy anniversary, love."

-commence onesided makeout session-

"Ohmygosh I love Sailor Moon."

Kyo jumped Haru and began kissing him passionately.

KyoxHaru yaoi.

That's so hot.

So everyone in the fic stopped what they were doing and watched it.

Kyo blushed and tried to get away.

"What's wrong, koneko-chan?" Haru did that husky whisper that made everyone have an orgasm.

Kyo immediately resumed his.. fling with Haru.

And everyone was happy.

The End.

_Kii-chan: I'M DONE! WHEE! I don't own Sailor Moon, Fruits Basket, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, or the "I'm Too Sexy" song. But I am the ASOS Brigade leader. So I cosplay as Haruhi a lot. Oh, and I don't own Twilight. So yeah. Thanks for reading! Hope to see y'all in the near future :D_


End file.
